"What does Liu-Sing think he is doing?"  Salon sat on the ground and held a
crystal ball in front of her face.  The Empress sat beside her with a
what-the-hell's-going-on look on her face.  The cave was dimly lit, just
dark enough to give the impression that spirits were at work.

	Salon chuckled.  "If you knew him as much as you thought you knew him, then
you would know."  The Empress ground her teeth, but the witch pretended not
to notice.  "Obviously, he's trying to size up that brat's new friend, and I
must say I'm impressed.  She didn't even get singed."

	The Empress folded her arms in the I-knew-that posture and continued to
stare.  Soon, her face rather unroyally contorted with confusion.  "And now
what is he doing--giving a dog a flower?"

	Salon smiled.  "I believe it's a peace offering to Pae-Kau.  Yes.  He's
promising not to report Pae-Kau to the Emperor if he aggrees to an alliance.
Very clever."

	The Empress enforced her I-knew-that pose.  "I wish you knew a spell that
allowed us to read his thoughts as well as see what he sees."

	Salon chuckled, "I do.  But we do not need it... My Queen."

		

	"THIS is your guardian spirit, Miko?"  The innkeeper stood by Miko's chair
and stared suspiciously at Ranma-chan, who was in the process of wolfing
down a large bowl of steamed rice with pork and vegetables.  Miko smiled and
nodded.

	The innkeeper chuckled, "Well, she eats like she's pregnant."  Miko burst
out laughing, finding so much irony in it.

	"Hey!  Don't even joke about that, Ok!"  Ranma scowled at the brawny man,
then started eating slower.

	"I apologize, miss."  Ranma groaned and the innkeeper wondered what he said
wrong.  "I just meant that you look a little delicate to be eating so much
in one sitting."  Ranma groaned again.

	Miko glanced at the innkeeper.  "She's really a very strong fighter.
Father couldn't beat her."  Ranma had no comment.

	His eyes widened.  "She did?  Well, I suppose that a fighting spirit can
inhabit even the weakest of forms...."  Both Ranma and Miko groaned, and he
started sweating.  "That is to say, that unless Doshin's been slacking in
old age...."  Miko stared up at him with a pointed look like a wild dog
defending her territory. (CHEF'S NOTE: A bitch, I tell you!  Like a bitch!)
"Well... I think I've left something burning on the stove.  If you'll excuse
me...."  The innkeeper bowed and hastily retreated to the kitchen.

	Ranma continued her fast-paced eating.  _Jerk._  She looked over at Miko,
who just sat there watching her.  "Are you sure you don't want anything?"

	"I'm sure.  I don't eat very much anyway."  She leaned forward a bit.  "So
tell me something about yourself.  Like why you turn into a girl when you
get wet.  That is..."  She made herself look smaller and started nervously
twiddling her thumbs.  "...unless it's a bad memory to remember."

	Ranma sighed.  "No.  I might as well tell you.  I need to talk to you about
that anyway."  Miko smiled triumphantly.  Ranma quickly finished off the
rest of her rice and began: "You see, it all started...."

	Ranma and Miko both turned when the front door swung open and the clown
they had seen on the street came merrily prancing inside juggling three
swords.  Everyone at the other tables looked up, some smiling in amusement.
The clown looked at Ranma's table and his face brightened in recognition.
He walked up and started entertaining Miko, but Ranma stared around the
room, feeling the hairs on the back of her neck prickle in warning.

	After a few seconds, Ranma saw a wolf enter and head for the kitchen.  All
the other customers stopped eating to stare at it.  The clown only looked
mildly amused.  Something was going on.  Ranma stood up and grabbed Miko's
hand.  "C'mon.  We hafta get outa here."

	Miko tried to resist at first, but then let Ranma lead her toward the door.
She asked, "But why...."

	The clown suddenly hurled two swords across the room and one at Ranma's
head.  The first two sank into the wall beside the kitchen; Ranma dodged the
third and pushed Miko out of the way so it wouldn't graze her.  Miko
stumbled sideways and the clown was instantly by her side, pulling her back.
Everybody not participating in the inevitable fight instantly vacated.

	"Hey!  Hands off, creep!"  Ranma launched herself in the air and thrust her
foot at the clown's face, but he grabbed her ankle and threw her across the
room toward the sword he tried to impale her with (his mistake).

	Ranma landed against the wall on her feet, grabbed the sword (luckily it
was close enough), rolled forward on the ground, and hurled the weapon at
him.  It traveled faster than he expected and the pommel hit him square on
the forehead.  He lost his balance and Miko ran to a safe corner.  The clown
yelled, "Pae-Kau!  Are you quite done yet?!"

	Answering his summons, Pae-Kau burst through the kitchen door;  he was
wearing a pair of oversized overalls and his hair was wet.  The clown, still
dazed, pointed to the swords by the kitchen door.  Pae-Kau saw them and
easily pulled them out.

	Pae-Kau twirled his swords impressively but unnecessarily while the clown
(NOTE: Psssst.  It's Liu-Sing, if you haven't guessed already.) (CHEF'S
NOTE: Moron.) started stumbling in Ranma's direction.  Liu-Sing moved to the
left, so Ranma dodged to the right, but somehow he caught her in the middle.
Pae-Kau spun his sword like twin propeller blades and lashed out at Ranma.
She pushed against the floor with her feet and forced the clown to stumble
backwards, but not before having her clothing sliced in several places.

	Ranma kicked off the floor again and backflipped over Liu-Sing, but he
arched his back and used the momentum to drive her head into the floor.
Shugging off the pain, she kicked her feet into the air and brought them
down on the clown's stomach, then sprang from his grasp.

	Upon landing, Ranma barely had enough time to dodge a swordthrust.  She
jumped back just as another blade stabbed at her, but this time, she
executed a chestnut fist and reduced the blade to dust (NOTE: Hey.  It
worked on Mousse.).  The attacker jumped back in surprise.

	Pae-Kau stared at his broken weapon in amazement.  Ranma stared at her
shredded shirt and noticed that she had been cut in a few places, though
only minorly.  Miko cringed in the corner of the inn, too frightened to
move; she gasped when she noticed her guardian was bleeding.  Liu-Sing was
just dragging himself off the ground, still doubled over from the blow; he
wheezed, "Not bad," and fell backward.

	Pae-Kau grinned and chuckled lightly.  "I must say, I would have never
thought that a mere girl could make such a formidable opponent.  I would
like to know your name before you die.  I am Pae-Kau Taotse, of the Wing Do
School of Swordsmanship."  He bowed, sweeping his arms dramatically outward.

	Ranma growled.  _So, what now?  Is he gonna start spitting poetry or
somethin?_  She pointed at his feet and shouted, "Look!  Someone dropped a
fifty yen coin!"

	Pae-Kau looked down at the ground in confusion.  "What's a fifty yen coin?"

	Before the swordsman knew what hit him, he was lying on his back and seeing
stars.  Ranma held her foot in the air a few seconds longer, her eyes
lightly closed, as she forced herself to calm down.  "Jerk!  Who're you
callin a girl?"

	Lui-Sing slammed into her before she could sense his attack, but she still
managed to roll sideways before he could grab her.  She sprang into a
battle-ready stance.  "Can't you guys just stay down!"  The clown just
stared at her and fumbled sightly, still stunned from her blow, it seemed.

	Ranma shook her head and relaxed her posture.  "Man.  It looks like you've
just about had it."  She walked up and poked the unsteady clown on the
forehead.  He weaved a few times before falling sideways.  "Wha?"

	On his way down, the clown latched onto her legs and forced her to fall
with him.  As soon as she hit the floor, he dropped a leg across her chest.

	Ranma instantly grabbed his leg, jumped to her feet, and hurled the clown
into the front door (and somehow, it held).  Her chest heaved as she held
her arms over her breasts.  "Hey!  That's a sensitive place to hit a girl
in, y'know!"

	Liu-Sing stood up and bowed apologetically, then made the traditional
Takahashi hand gesture as the door crashed inward and flattened him into the
ground.  Ranma eyes widened and her teeth started chattering.  On top of the
door sat the biggest, strangest-colored cat Ranma had ever seen.

	Miko's face brightened.  "Twilight!"  The shimmercat trotted over to Miko,
and she started rubbing its neck.  Ranma dropped to her knees and followed
the cat's movements with frozen fear, like a deer dazzled by oncoming
headlights, totally oblivious of everything else.  "Is something wrong,
Guardian Spirit?"  Ranma stammered to say the one word that passed
repeatedly through her mind.

	"EEEE!!!  Guardian Spirit, look out!"  Pae-Kau strode up to Ranma with
sword raised over his head, but Ranma's mind had gone blank and she didn't
understand what Miko said.

	Pae-Kau stared at her one last time.  "You truly were a worthy opponent,
Pig-tailed Stranger."  Miko drew herself in even farther.  Twilight put a
paw over her eyes.

	!BONK!  Pae-Kau fell to the floor.  The innkeeper stood over him wearing a
number of long aprons to make up for the overalls the swordsman had
confiscated.  He bounced a large, metal frying pan in his hand and said, "I
think your guardian spirit needs a few more fighting lessons."

		

	Ranma started to blink her eyes open.  She heard herself mumbling something
about cats, and an image lingered in her half-awareness of a blue-and-orange
tigerstriped face that almost seemed human, and she was surprised to find
that she felt calm in its presence--but then again, it was only an image.

	"Thyme?"  Ranma suddenly sat up, then winced and rubbed the back of her
head when it started throbbing.  "Ow.  What happened?"

	She heard Miko's voice: "Hn?  I was hoping you could tell me, Guardian
Spirit.  You were fighting so well against those men in the inn, but then
you just... froze."

	It all came back to Ranma in a flash.  She snapped her eyes open to find
herself staring directly into Miko's worried face.  Doshin was moving around
behind her, putting something on the table under the window.  Miko
continued, "You went into hysterics every time we tried to move you.  I
finally had to use Father's sleeping powder to calm you down."  Miko drew
back a bit.  "Unfortunately, headaches tend to be the one side effect, but
that will go away."

	Ranma looked around and realized she was in Miko's room and in Miko's bed.
"How'd I get here?"

	"I asked Tan, the innkeeper, to carry you here."  She giggled.  "I think he
likes you, Guardian Spirit."

	Ranma was just about to comment when she looked down and noticed that she
wasn't wearing a shirt.  She shrieked and covered her breasts.  "What'd you
do with my clothes!"

	Doshin walked to Ranma's side and handed her an oddly-shaped berry.  "Here.
Eat this and the headache will subside quicker."  He met Ranma's eyes with a
warning, apparently still mad about earlier, and held her gaze for an
uncomfortably long time (a second and a half), then he went back to whatever
he was doing before.

	Miko looked startled by her outburst.  "I only took your shirt to mend it
again.  And it's not like I haven't seen you without your clothes
before...." (CHEF'S NOTE: Pervert.)  Ranma peeked under her covers to make
sure her pants were still there.  Miko snapped, "Hey! You didn't actually
think that I would...?!"  She crossed her arms and huffed.  "I'm NOT that
kind of girl!"

	"Miko!  I didn't mean it THAT way."

	"Oh, then just what were you trying to imply?"

	Doshin suppressed a smile as he exited the room.

	(NOTE: Is it just me, or does it seem like Happousai's still co-authoring
this one?) (CHEF'S NOTE: Hmph!  Happy can keep his job!  I'm not writing a
story with that Chinese lesbian BITCH in it!) (OLD VOICE: At least she's
taking it better than expected.)

		

	Liu-Sing stood up and dusted himself off.  His clown suit was slightly
charred and sizzling and his facepaint was dripping onto his collar.
"Salon.  Could you PLEASE do SOMETHING about your teleportation spells?  I
swear they'll be the death of me."  He held back as much frustration as he
could.

	He was now back in the cave.  The Empress was pacing again.  Salon was
quietly contemplating her crystal ball, watching through Liu-Sing's eyes as
the Empress moved back and forth.

	The Empress fumed, "She got away!  But how can this be?  From what hell
hath a creature such as she have spawned?"  Salon smiled, finding a strange
pleasure in spying on her queen without actually looking at her--even though
she was only sitting ten paces away with her back turned.

	Liu-Sing chuckled at the overexaggeration.  "I would not go that far, My...
Chun Mae.  But she is good."

	She stopped pacing and folded her arms.  "That doesn't change the fact that
she got away!"  Salon mouthed the same words at the scene in her crystal.

	Liu-Sing, having waved away all the smoke he was emitting, pulled four red
balls from his pocket and started juggling. (OLD VOICE: I don't even want to
know. !BAM!) (NOTE: Thank you, Shampoo.) (CUTE VOICE: My pleasure.) "I
learned what I needed to know."

	"And that would be?"  Salon mouthed the same words at the image, then stuck
her tongue out at it.

	"Her strengths and weaknesses, of course..."  He stopped juggling and
slipped the balls back in his pocket.  "...and whether or not she poses a
threat to us."

	The Empress smiled slyly.  "And...."  Salon copied her facial movements,
put her index finger under her eye, then stuck her tongue out.  (CUTE VOICE:
This no one of Shampoo ancestors, me hope.)

	The clown matched his queen's expression.  "Next time, I won't be holding
back."

	Solon made fishlips at the image, then noticed that Chun Mae had walked out
of the picture.  She quickly swiveled around and came face-to-face with the
Empress, there eyes meeting only inches from each other.  "Are you QUITE
done with making fun of me behind my back!"  Salon put on a goofy smile.